Who you callin' a Groupie?!

So chill when we met Taylor F*ckin Hawkins...NOT

When you hear the term groupie, what comes to mind? A delusional, desperate woman or creepy fangirl? A star-stalker or star-fucker?

Yeah, me too, so it isn't awesome to be labeled one. 

Webster provides a proper definition of the word - “a fan that follows a band around in the hopes of getting to know them.” Seems innocent enough but let’s face it, people translate “getting to know them” as, well…getting to know...their penis. Getting to know a band member’s penis. And that’s totally not the intention here.

While yes, many are confounded by the fact that my best friend and I often travel to see our favorite bands, in addition to attending shows in our home town, we are not so desperate for the attention of a rocker that we would screw them or put an offer on the table. 

Here’s an example of a recurring exchange I’ve come across over the years with a few acquaintances, even friends: 

“You’re going to see the Foo Fighters again? Oh my God, you’ve become such a groupie.”

“I’m not a groupie, I just really love the music and the band. The energy at their shows is insane!” 

“Come on, you mean to tell me that if Dave Grohl asked you up to his hotel room, you wouldn’t go?” 

“Ew no! I’m not trying to bang these dudes. Honestly, if I ever met him and he hit on me, I would actually be disappointed. I wouldn't view him the same. He’s, like, a family man, with a wife and kids.” 

Here’s a less menacing but just as common version:

“Wait, so you’re seeing Pearl Jam again, this time in Chicago?!  Two nights in a row? Didn’t you just see them at the Garden?”

“Yup, I can’t wait! I love the band, man, and they put on a different show each time. Literally - their set list is different EVERY show! Plus, I get to see my fan friends at the shows. It’s so cool - I love it!”

“Oh, okay, yeah, sounds cool…”

But, they still don't get it. 

It’s like my admiration, dedication and passion for the music is so strange. It's quantified as me being obsessed with the artist and desperately seeking their attention, even in a sexual way - or in other words, being a groupie. But, what would that even get me? Star-fucker status, paid flights to hotel rooms, unlimited GA admission? Well, the last one may be understandable — ever try to get GA tix for a popular band?! It’s literally a lottery - sheesh! 

Some fans are about that life and whatever - - do you boo. But, I’m not one to sell out and sign an NDA in order to have sex with a rockstar. It ain’t my style.

But, in all fairness to the groupie name-callers and fan pigeon-holers, maybe they're not aware that all fans do not share a groupie-think mindset. 

So, let me clarify my stance. I do not identify as a groupie but rather as a super-fan. Yes, a super-fan.

To provide context on my super-fan status, let's play a full disclosure game of 'Have You Ever?' Musician Edition. 

Here we go.

Have you ever slid up in a band manager’s DMs to score backstage passes?

Of course, but of no avail. But, it was in a cool, clever non-desperate or suggestive way. Thank you very much.

Have you ever stayed at a hotel (even though it was out of your budget) knowing that a band had a history of staying there?

Well, DUH! I mean who wouldn't want to have a fave front man encounter in an elevator. Come on. Next question.

Have you ever dressed up like a band member or wore props to concerts?

Totally! I try to theme up my concert outfits when I can to make for a super-fun super-fan experience. Like for a Nashville Foo Fighters concert, you wear an alien mask and cowboy hat. Le duh. You could also wear a buffalo plaid Dave Grohl shirt or new school Shifty bandana around your head. You know, the basics.

Have you ever trolled venue staff or road crew for band belongings?

Okay, now I’m offended by these questions. The answers are becoming increasingly obvious. Yes, of course! I asked for the cigarette butt Dave Grohl smoked on stage while lovingly watching Taylor Hawkins perform a legendary drum solo. I could smell the second hand smoke from my seat so naturally, I needed to have the cigarette. 

And, what exactly were your plans for that cigarette?

Enclose it in an air tight acrylic box or something - for keepsake purposes. I don't know. I wouldn't smooth it out and re-light it to say I shared a cigarette with Dave Grohl or anything like that. Now THAT’S crazy. It doesn't matter anyway, the stage guys wouldn't give me the cig and basically asked me to leave the venue. Haha. Good times. Assholes.

Is that questionable behavior? Not for a super-fan! I’m totally cool with my kooky, quirky antics. 

But, honestly. It’s odd to some, but the root to my fandom runs deep. Music has had a noticeable impact on my life for many years - whether it’s pure enjoyment and escapism or introspective therapy. I can’t count the number of times the richness of melodies and rawness of lyrics have transcribed my emotions or have been a vessel of healing to my heart.

It’s awe-inspiring, the connection you can feel to strangers through art as it imitates life in all its beauty and absurdity. 

The art of music serves a purpose, ignites a passion and shares a promise. These bands make a promise to share their gifts with us and give their all at shows and and we in turn promise to show up and support them. It's a bond, an exchange - and that is super-cool.

Super-fans in Nashville in 2015 

And in 2018 :-)

Right before we met The Hawk, we met the mad cool Rami Jaffee,
keyboardist for the Foos. He was fun and gracious!

What's your take on the term "groupie" - I'm curious to see if others associate it with something negative as well?